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Friday, June 17th, 2005
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12:24 am - im too hyped to sleep
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tonight was a very very good night. i got to see one of my favorite bands, hang out with will, whom i like sosososo much, hes a fun guy (not a fungi though, har har har) and i think we get along well.. though i sometimes think he thinks im an idiot. oh well! and i got to sarah and tiffany! i never get to see tiff and sarah, so that made me super happy! i hope they move to nyc, it would be like a dream come true! and then all my friends could move up there... YAY! and i got to see jeremy, whom i have known since i was 2 (thats how i introduce him to people! haha) awww he's finally got his life together and is ready to settle down with chrissy and it makes me sooo happy.. and gives me hope... hes a great guy, and chrissy is the luckiest girl in the world (next to me, b/c eric is like... 10x better ... haha now i feel like im in 10th grade or something!) sigh. so i had great music, was surrounded by great great people, and eric sent me the sweetest email. he makes me smile until my face hurts. sigh again. awww its so cute with him gone to PA, its almost exactly exactly like when we first met!
1. i went to see tilly and the wall with sarah
2. eric is gone off far far away (last time he went to vegas the day after our first date)
3. he is sending me quirky-sweet-so-cute-it-makes-your-teeth-hurt emails from his cell phone since he doesnt have computer access
so since this is all reminding me of last fall, im getting those same gushy beginning of relationship feelings all over again... sigh trois.
it is now very late, but lucky for me i volunteered to work the 1pm - 10pm shift tomorrow, so i get to sleep in! hooray! i definetly wont be able to sleep anytime soon, gah!
sleeping in, NYC, tilly and the wall, sarah fucking purser, and my glad-to-be-your-boy eric!!!! how can life get any better???!!!!
current mood:  giddy
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 16th, 2005
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11:49 am - OMFG IM UPDATING!
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only b/c im desperate and dateless! i have a ticket to TILLY AND THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL and noone to use it! i want to go so bad, but you all know how crazy i am about going places by myself. although i guess it woudl be an experience... so yeah, if you are going, or would like to go, GET IN TOUCH WITH ME!
haha so eric is on his way to Pennsylvania to visit his family as his great grandmother just passed away, which is why im dateless. i jokingly told him that i might meet somebody tonight, as this is a similar situation to the night we met. we met at a Tilly/rilo kiley show, a show i was supposed to go to with john, but since we broke up i didnt have anyone to go with, so sarah let me tag along with her and melanie and entourage. and then i met eric there. well now im going back to the same venue, one of the same bands, and im going it alone again, trying to see if sarah is going and will let me tag along again. and yeah, well i htink its funny, but it doesnt sound as funny when i type it out like this. hrmmm. i guess its mostly funny b/c every hott guy in the world could be at this show tonight and i woudlnt notice a single one of them. eric is totally the best boyfriend i have EVER EVER EVER had (no offense john, you know i love you). he's jsut like me, we rarely ever fight (i think we've gotten into a total of.. .hmm... maybe 3 arguments in the last 6 mmonths!) im so comfortable with him, all my friends love him, i love all his friends, they love, etc etc (its just a big circle of love folks) he treats me sooo great.. .im soo happy. very happy. and we are moving to NYC in jsut over a month and i cant fucking wait!! its going to be amazing!! im so excited about the experience of living in NYC, and sharing that experience with him! you all must come visit at least a million times each. i expect it. i demand it. its gonna be great. we went out for thai last night, and we were talking about how great the food is gonna be up there. oh god i cant wait! im gonna be sooo fat. it will be bad, but good b/c i will be as happy as a little piggy in a blanket (haha thats what one of my customers always says to me.. hes from texas and soooo funny!)
lalala i cant believe im actually updating this thing... this is proof that work is getting WAYYYYY too slow... although i had a very busy morning, i had to put all this stuff together for a training class we are doing in san francisco this saturday. i wish i could go. they are making me nervous at work b/c they keep telling me how they are training me in options, and im the in-house liason for options, and giving me all these extra things that only i know how to do, and keep joking about getting me my own office, and calling me their right hand girl and stuff, and im afraid they are going to be really mad when i say im leaving, or they are going to offer me a promotion right before i turn in my resignation! eep! but wahtever, they give me all these responsibilities and no pay raise, so poo poo on them, right!? haha
ok wow... this is pathetic... i feel like a kid again, writing in livejournal... oh well.. everyone keep in touch!
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
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1:59 pm - haha yes i rule!
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The Great LiveJournal
Outage of 2005
During the outage I ranted over the government conspiracy that had destroyed LiveJournal to get rid of all the immoral people. Then was disappointed to learn it was only a power outage.
What did you do?
Brought to you by geek-foo
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current mood:  bored
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
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5:07 pm - DANCING IN OUR PANTIES TIME!
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***HOORAY! WE MADE IT! ****
Me, Nissa, Sarah, and Melanie managed to graduate from UCF [we think]!!
To celebrate such a monumentous occasion, we will be getting down with our bad selves at my apt in Tivoli!
If you are reading this, it means you are invited. So come. It will be lots of fun.
Date: Wednesday, December 15th
Time: 8pm ish
Contact: comment, email [allbecomesclear@hotmail.com] IM [allbecomesclear]
And bring your friends. its ok, we dont mind.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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7:22 pm - stolen from nissa! thanks band geek!
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| Monday, November 22nd, 2004
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4:28 pm
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| Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
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10:40 pm - been a good week...
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not too much to say... lots of stuff going on in my life right now. im avoiding some issues, and its bad, but i cant help myself. i hate hurting people. i hate even thinking that i might have hurts someones feelings. especially if they are really sweet, really nice guys who seem to really like me. why cant i meet great guys one at a time? why do i always have to make a choice? bah. ive been putting this off too long.
thank goodness its almost the 10th, im seriously almost over my minutes. i think i have ... 14 minutes left before i go over. i hope the new billing cycle starts tomorrow, not on the 11th. eeep.
i will feel so much better once i talk to shane and scott, but until then im dreading it. so much that i dont want to call them. but i should. but i wont. b/c im chickenshit. how do you tell a guy youre just not interested? or that you might have been interested, but theres this other really great guy that so much better than you in every way? you cant say that to a guy, its mean. i wish i could be mean. that would make things easier. sigh.
jen and tara brought me food at work the other night. they are fun. we had a good time. i need to hang out with them more.
busy with schoolwork. this week/weekend will be hectic for me.
anyone going to diva invasion tomorrow night? let me know!
off to bum around instead of doing the things i need to be doing...
current mood:  nervous
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, November 4th, 2004
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1:06 am - three years.
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memories are forever. pain endures, love endures, loss endures. but the memories. the moon with a ring around it. the brisk ocean breeze. crystal blue eyes. gritty sand. patio tables with friends. sneaking hand-holds. the thrill of confessions of feelings. the reflection pond. haunted arboretum. IM conversations. the quick pull of breath before the first kiss. the quick pull of breath after hearing the news. the burning of first tears. the cold stone of the wall against my back. the fogginess of the mind. the screams. the loss. the pain. the realization. the death.
i will not forget. i will not forget. i will not forget. i will never forget.
i miss you.
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12:16 am
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MELANIE- have you been kidnapped by aliens? are you ok? where have you been?
i havent seen my roommate for almost a week now. im starting to worry. her light isnt even on late at night. oh where oh where has my melanie gone? hahahahahaha
the last few days... have been really good and really bad.
bads first. get them out of the way. im in a good mood and dont want to dwell on them:
-the election and all the stupid people in america who are too blind or brainwashed or whatever. im kinda emotional about this, so please keep all political statements to yourself.
-getting a bad grade on my asian economies class and having my teacher ask me what she could do to help me pass this class. i think i might be failing it. i freak out when i get a B. and now i might be getting an F!? this is not possible. if you know me at all, you know that this is not possible. what the fuck am i doing?
-busy stressful days at the business college.
-the third year anniversary coming up of the worst time in my life. i cant believe its been that long. i need to devote an entire entry to this. later. good things first...
the goods:
-getting a 98% on a paper i wrote in 5 hours 2 days after it was due. fucking amazing.
-voting in under 15 minutes. including driving time. the poll was right behind my apt complex, [one light down from mcculloch] and i did not wait in line at all. as i was walking up to check in, there was a woman ahead of me checking in, but by the time i got 2 feet behind her, she was finished and moved, so i literally didnt have to stop walking, and walked right up to check in. got my card. immediately had a box open, went in, voted, turned it in, and walked out. driving there and back in the 15 mph old people community took longer than the whole voting process!
-the quick voting meant that i made it to my capstone class, so i recieved attendance credit taht will be added on to my final grade!
-finished my homework and paper on time [for once]
-motorcycle diaries. very good movie. scenery was amazing, the language was so poetic and beuatiful, both the meaning of the words and the actual sound of them. i was very impressed.
-getting through the otherwise to get to the talking.
-making eric lose sleep.
-being so good at my job some girl gave me candy as a gift b/c i helped her out and pushed her permit through so she could make it to class on time. it was so sweet. and helping people pick out classes and work out their schedules and recommend good classes to take together, and then have them turn around to other people in the waiting room and say "shes really good, you guys should go talk to her" and then have a line form in front of me of people who wanted me to help them with their schedules. its nice to feel like you are good at your job, that you are helping other people, and that they appreciate what you do.
-being so good at my job that one guy came back after i advised him to ask me if i wanted to hang out. damn i was on a role at work for a while today!
-talking to john on the phone for almost an hour. more than that, laughing on the phone with him. more than that, sharing stories of other people we are interested in and being ok with it. being happy that he got laid. haha. thoroughly enjoying our conversation. talking to someone who understands how i am about certain things, things someone can only understand when theyve been there for me day in and day out for years. talking to someone who knows why november is a hard month for me. letting him know, and now he can really know, b/c im saying this as an ex-girlfriend who never wants to get back together with him, so he knows im being truthful, that he truly changed my life. that he is the reason im graduating in a month. that he kept me sane, and alive, anthrough long, unspeakable nights where i thought the tears and pain was neverending. where i thought i would honestly cry until i literally became dehydrated. he made me feel security and safety, and steadiness, when i thought i would never feel sure of anything again. when the most stable, strong, solid man i knew became weak, and sickly, john provided me with the security to get through it. when the world shook underneath my feet, when everything that was life to me suddenly changed, he held me safe. i dont think he will ever realize how much he helped me. while many many people were there for me, and they were my angels in their own special ways... driving me to cocoa in the middle of the night, calling me everyday to talk, letting me tell them the story at least 100 times, driving me all the way to ocala after the funeral, letting me stay on their couches, floors, and beds, and watch countless movies and go out to countless meals so i wouldnt have to be alone. everyone helped me deal with things, but john helped restore my faith in life, love, relationships, hope, dreams. he made me want to fall in love again. he restored me. i told him tonight on the phone that if i never hear from him again, if i move to japan and teach english, travel the world, and never make it back to orlando, and settle down somewhere and get married and live happily ever after, and never once talk or write to john again, he will still always. always. always be the boyfriend in college who put me back together during the worst month of my entire life. i will always remember him. no matter what. and i will always remember andrew. and miss him. no matter who i fall in love with, or out of love with, or whatever, he will still be in my memories.
life is hard. its takes big things to really make impressions on us. i hate that people die. i hate that permanence. at least john and i are staying friends. it looks like really good friends. i think we can work that out. our breakup is permanent, but our relationship, our friendship, is not over. i dont know what im trying to say anymore. i need to muse out my thoughts, but not in a post i was planning on letting everyone see.
current mood:  nostalgic
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 1st, 2004
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4:11 pm - procrastination at its best...
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sometimes i hate myself. i have... a test at 10:30 tomorrow morning, a paper and homework assignment due at 1:30, and i have not done any of them. and i work tonight, so i wont be home until 11pm. and i have had an hour free between jobs where i did nothing except check email and update this stupid thing. and im not planning on starting it. gah.
work was awful today, and will be the rest of the week. its registration time, so that means that ive got 100 kids all coming in to find out what classes to take. or to yell at me b/c the computer wont let them register for a class. like thats my fault. or like its my fault that the advisors are taking so long. its not like i can force them to work quickly. bah. kids are stupid. i hope i was never like that before i worked there. i wasnt. i remember. i waited in line patiently. never said a word. i am respectful.
so yeah, its gonna be a busy work week at ucf. yuck.
but i only have one month left. thats crazy.
theres so much i want/need to do. here is my list [i love lists!]:
-study for test tomorrow morning
-finish homework due tomorrow
-write paper for tomorrow
-pay rent
-send off electric payment
-search out some jobs on the gold connection
-apply for said jobs
-go grocery shopping
-start working out again
-start studying for gre
-sign up to take gre
-request references from current jobs
-request letters of reference from... ok determine who to ask, then ask
-update resume
-clean my room [yeah its waaaaaaaaay down on the list]
-go to an art museum [its been too long, i need some culture]
-finish at least one of my sewing projects [preferably the polo shirt, or the yellow striped dress]
-do some stencil work [stripes, cityscape, or unicorn]
-dye my hair [black? dark brown? hmmm]
-stop updating this thing so much
current mood: anxious
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, October 29th, 2004
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3:07 pm - oh get me away from here im dying...
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oh my god. this is awful. i cannot be here another 2 hours. im bored out of my mind. there are no other peer advisors here, im all by myself with noone to talk to, and there is this huge bowl of candy staring me in the face. tempting me. calling my name. ive already eaten do much junk. my stomach is actually hurting. i feel sick.yuck.
i have nothing to do. jenn stopped by work right when i was about to go to lunch, so we ate at wakadoos. with a bunch of her friends i didnt know. i knew her roommate, who was drunk and was so funny. and so yeah. that was fun. all the waitresses were dressed up for halloween, and ours was a fairy i guess... and her wings kept brushing against jenn and she kept thinking the girl was touching her. it was funny. i miss jenn. i need to hang out with her more.
now im sitting here again. im so bored, i dont even have anything to write about. and i always have SOMETHING to ramble about. so wow. this is sad. this is the crappiest post ever. in the history of the world. or at least of livejournal. lalala.
im got so tired all of a sudden. like i literally almost fell asleep in my chair. this is bad. only 1.5 hours left. and then i go to firehouse. fuck me. fridays suck. but i only have 2 more crappy fridays. then im free. and if jenn keeps picking up my thursday shift, then ill be double happy!
oh thank god. ive never been more happy to see matt [coworker] in my life. at least now ill have company. ughh
never fear, the dumb post is over now.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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8:19 am - its 8:19 am...
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and im wide awake. and happy. so very happy. last night was too fun. i got to see sarah, whom i miss dearly. and am very excited about her moving. yay. then i got to hang out with eric. and i dont think my driving scared him off. and we walked around lake eola and talked and stuff. im amazed at our conversations. i had a really good time all night. i like that we can be totally low key, that theres no pressure to do the whole cliche date thing.
i think we made plans to see each other every day this weekend. i have no idea how that happened, but im glad it did.
i have another hour before i go to work... what am i gonna do? not sleep, im too awake for that. is it gross that i dont want to take a shower b/c i smell like him? yes, it is. but oh well.
la la la. things are wonderful. everything is great. is this really my life?
current mood: awake
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
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12:57 am - from the cold sunlight thats reflected off the moon...
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didnt finish my paper today. woops. but ill finish it by tomorrow. tonight my internet was down, and of course i dont have my paper saved to a disk, i always just send it to myself through email, so i cant get access to my half-written paper. so i went out to eat with mel and ari instead. and ate bad-for-me food. so ill get fat again. just when i started losing weight. crap. i gotta go back to being depressed... when im depressed i dont eat, when im happy i eat too much. when i eat too much i get fat. when i get fat i get sad. when i get sad i stop eating. its a horrible cycle i go through. but i guess it could be worse..
so now that i have my internet back, im too tired to write my paper. so i will have to do it tomorrow. and besides, i have to talk to eric. hes supposed to call again tonight. yay.
i hope hes not racking up a huge phone bill. id feel awful.
in other news, im avoiding shane like the plague. hes called... about 12 times since monday. im jsut not ready to talk to him. i said i wasnt gonna talk to him until i finished my paper, so thats what im doing. but its starting to worry me how much he calls. oh boy.
had a good long conversation with andy today instead of working on my paper. that boy. he jsut breaks my heart. always with the sad stories about the ladies in his life. one day some girl will make him incredibly happy, and ill be there to say "and its all from that great advice i gave you in college!" hahaha. hes fun. and i like that he lets me tell him all my stupid stories.
i miss sarah. i havent talked to her in like a week. i want to see her soon.
i need to deposit my paycheck. and rent is due soon. and i gotta pay the water bill too. i hate bills.
talked to my mom on the phone tonight. it was nice. i actually enjoy talking to her. though i didnt have the heart to tell her about my new tattoo. she was complaining about my old one, and ... i jsut couldnt mention the new one. she will see it soon enough i suppose. shes a little traveler. shes in jacksonville at some FCAT conference or something.
im really looking forward to this weekend. seriously. if i can just finish this paper and make it through until friday. ughhhh and of course this friday is my long day... working from 10am to 5pm, then from 6pm to 11pm. i hate every other friday. one month. only 2 more fridays. i should make sure my last day is like a wednesday, so i wont have to work thursday, friday, or saturday! i think i will look that up right now and let them know of thursday my official last day.
ran into jessica today in the computer lab. she was the very very very first friend i made at UCF. we met when some random people knocked on my door and asked me to play volleyball and go swimming. i remember i had jsut finished crying to ... someone... on the phone.. for some reason im thinking kat, but it might have been my mom... or maybe i was online.. i cant really remember, but i remember just finishing crying when they knocked on my door, and i went, even though i wasnt sure about it. and then they recruited jessica as she was walking back to her dorm from class. and we somehow managed to start talking about bands, and realized we liked the same bands, and had lots in common. and we found out we were both in honors and LEAD scholars. and we both knew a couple of the same people. so we started hanging out. shes one of the reasons i didnt leave college after my harrowing first year. and now shes graduating too, and shes going to either teach science or go to graduate school. we are all growing up so fast. but its ok. just a new adventure, right?
i miss nissa. i really want to visit her in chicago. that would be amazing. oh to travel. i wanna get out of here. just for a little while. go on an adventure like i used to. just start driving and see where i end up. but alas, reality ties me down.
im updating way too much. i guess its to be expected in this "transition" period im in. thats what my mom calls it anyways. ahaha.
ok off to mope. or sleep. or watch tv. eww i cant believe ive gotten back into the habit of watching tv. this sucks. someone needs to come keep me company at night so i dont watch tv!
current mood: strange
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 24th, 2004
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4:33 pm - stereotypical emo post
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you dont even wanna touch me
i was wrong
i wasted on
cant figure out
what happened to us
i wont count on
you anymore
ill be alright
dont worry about me
arent you happy now
got what you want
i wanted you
but im over that now
im over it
so sick of you
what we went through
your lies to me
wont win again
so dont kid yourself
its better this way
its all back to me...
the wrens - happy
current mood: free
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3:08 pm - gad damn computer...
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my stupid computer just deleted my whole post. fuck.
anyways, i think was ranting about how i feel immature. im about to graduate, get a "real" job, no longer be a student. i feel like time is moving too quickly, and i have no time for my maturity to catch up. for example. i have 2 papers due. im considering just not doing them. ive been putting them off for... well weeks, but just today, ive been putting them off for ... about 5 hours now. i was up at 10ish, i could have started them then, instead ive fucked around and it is now past 3, and i still havent done one bit of research. fuck. this is pathetic. i really need to just fucking grow up.
im feeling all weird. i cant decide how im feeling. happy, sad, upset, mad, excited, nervous, worried, self-conscious, confident, its all kinda jumbling up inside me. i need a release. i need to go workout. i cant. i need to write these god damn papers. i need to start applying for jobs. im scared about getting a real job. i think its some inane fear that john bred in me. that boy is fucking peter pan. he has gotten me convinced deep down that if i graduate and get a real job that i will become old and boring and never have a day of fun in my life again.
god i fucking hate how i still talk about him. like i cant purge him from my life. i mean, my ENTIRE college life has been spent with him. we met just a few weeks into school freshmen year, we broke up just a few months shy of me graduating. for the rest of my life college will be synonymous with john. and i hate that. i want a new life. i want to move. i want to be out of orlando. tonight. forever. but i dont know where to go. god im so fucking frustrated and emotional all of a sudden. is it the stress of these papers? is it a beginning-life crisis? is it leftover pms? fuck. im about to start freaking out. stupid journal was supposed to make me feel better, let me vent. and im only getting myself all worked up. maybe i should just get drunk and write a ridiculous paper. and turn it in. i bet i could still manage half credit. and a 50% wouldnt bring down my grade that much. how much is this paper worth again? shit. i know i need to do it.
i need some fucking balance in my life. some stability. everything in my world has been turned upside down in a matter of a month. bah. i gotta stop worrying about this stuff. ill find a job. ill write these papers. ill pass my classes and graduate. ill be happy. i have to.
ive been posting alot lately. lj has become my new boyfriend. hahaha. at least i have someone [something?] to tell my day to. hahhaha. blah blah blah. these words are useless. i can never write anything that really describes what im thinking or feeling. i wish i could write. to put down what im feeling into words that dont just describe to others what im feeling, they make them feel it too. oh to have talent. sigh.
in much happier news, i love my friends. they make me happy. they cleaned my room. they took me dancing and made sure i didnt fall into oncoming traffic when i was drunk [i didnt know it was 2 for 1 shot night!! i swear! and what was i supposed to do, not drink them!?] and they didnt yell at me for being a lush. or a whore. which im neither, but i seem to think i am when im drunk.
i need to stop writing this and write my paper. go. now. write. do it. do it. do it. fuck. ok. im going. to write my papers. there are 2. i need to remember that. 2 papers. big papers. i must finish. today. or tomorrow. no. today. TODAY. NOW. right now. ughh.
current mood:  confused
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, October 22nd, 2004
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6:16 pm - NOW
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so i had this moment while waiting for the shuttle after work... i had jsut gotten off the phone with sarah, and the sun was shining on me, and then all of a sudden the wind jsut started blowing, and it felt like someone was ruffling my hair... and i was warm from the sun, and cooled from the wind, and the wind just felt so powerful and strong, yet caressing... it was.. indescribable... and i had this moment where i was so in the NOW. like what happened in the past had been just carried away from me by the wind, and it didnt matter what was to come in the future, because in that moment everything was perfect. and i felt this ... tightening... in my chest. it was similar to the painful tightening that i used to get when heartbroken... but not the same. the best way i can describe it is to say that the hurt feeling was as if there was some huge pressure squeezing my heart, and the elated feeling was as if my heart had suddenly expanded, and was threating to burst out of my chest. it was such a subtle change, but i felt it. i still feel it if i think about it. and i wanted so bad in that instant to capture the feeling, the moment, the now. and instead i have this post, which does the moment no justice. i can only hope these words serve as a path of sorts, to lead me back to that carefree feeling, that alive presence... the now.
current mood: alive
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(comment on this)
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7:49 am - thursday...
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- lots of time wasted in nervous anticipation
+ coffee and talks about games
+ being able to be dorky and it being ok
+ dancing the night away
+ visiting places downtown for the first time
+ having lots of stuff in common
+ being serenaded at ihop at 4am while eating pancakes and hashbrowns
- awkward moments on couches
+ maintaining respect
+ ...
+ getting home at 7:30 am
- crawling in bed at 7:55 am
- getting up at 10am to go to work...
current mood:  happy
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
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11:33 pm - i cant get cut copy out of my head...
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there is a feeling in me and i dont know why...
is there a feeling in you that you cant deny?
wheeeeeeee. im excited. talked to eric today. first online, now on the phone. we are going dancing tomorrow night. this should be fun. and then on friday my bestest friend in the whole wide world is coming to stay with me this weekend, and she is bringing all my other bestest friends from ocala. seriously, almost every girl i love left in ocala is coming down to see me. [dont worry angie v, i still love you, but your in gainesville, so you dont count in that statement!! ps we need to hangout!] so this weekend is gonna be awesome. im gonna be dancing my little heart out every night all weekend. its gonna be great. however... there is the dreaded papers i must write. which i really should have done today... oh well... i will get through it.
but for now, im too excited to sleep, so im off to watch family guy!
current mood: enthralled
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| Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
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12:53 am - sigh...
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today was good, but stressful. slept through my first class until 1:30 pm. but thats what happens when you are up til 5am. i actually slept until 1:19, and my class starts at 1:30. now technically i dont need to go to this class, and i could have used the time to study for my capstone midterm... but nooooo... i HAVE to go to class b/c cute boy is gonna be there i have to make flirty eye contact with him. but i think it was worth it. he kinda talked to me. well more like mouthed a smart response in my direction after our teacher made a stupid comment. but thats a start right?! oh and i fell in love with him too today. he played air guitar in class [god i love them dorky dont i?] but you could tell he could actually play the guitar. a musician! hot. sigh. so im trying to work up the nerve to make a move. it worked last time, but that was a bit different. this guy makes me nervous. eep!
crap how did i get there?
anyways, so tried to study after class. sorta. ate some fries with maria. she is gorgeous. she makes me sick. then we took our test. it was hard. but as long as i get a C, im ok.
after class i went home, hung out with melanie, becca, jen, and sarah. good times. calafornia pizza kitchen. piggin out. talked with sarah, things are improving. i wish it didnt have to suck so much though, i really really love her. she was like my best friend here. i dont want to lose that.
im looking at a picture of nissa i got in her care package! she is absolutely the cutest girl i know!! I MISS NISSA WITH ALL MY HEART!! i cant wait til she gets her ass down here for graduation. fun times WILL be had!
wow i gotta get out of the habit of staying up so late. bad me.
im glad jen didnt seem pissed at me. i really really like her. she is so fun. i was afraid last night would upset her, but she left me a nice message today, so i think shes ok. but its still awkward for me b/c i dont know her well enough to know if shes faking it, or to ask her if shes ok. you know how you kinda gotta be close to ask certain things? ehhh i guess i will see next time i talk to her. but i gotta to remember to be more considerate!
man i really have been rambling lately. geez. these posts are probably a scurge upon your friends page! ahhh.
ok im stopping now.
current mood: contemplative
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| Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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5:03 am - holy shit...
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well im feeling much better after a very sad day... ahhhhhhhh...
so ok.. its been a while... for those of you who are still in the dark, me and john are over. its ok, i know its for the best. granted, i have my bad times, but right now im in one of the good times [its hard to be sad after my night] where im ok.
lately ive been...
-hanging out with jen and tara, the bestest girls at firehouse
-going to school and work [really thats about all i do]
jen and tara have really taken me under their wing, and introduced me to all their friends. i watched a bunch of guys create a game of beer pong on a round table where you had to bounce the ping pong ball off a wall and into a cup. fucking hilarious. met lots of new cool fun people.
pixies show was fucking A-MA-ZING. i cant believe i saw them live. and it was cool b/c i went with ed from firehouse, who ive never really hung out with before, but we have so much in common, its strange that this was the first time we hung out. that was a good night, despite some nostalgia... which was quickly cured by some alcohol and jens friends.
did a couple fun new things... tried something i never thought i would try. actually enjoyed myself. this helped to remind me that i shouldnt be so close-minded [even though this was a close-mindedness of the past]... i was like "hey, i was totally wrong about this" i had judged something without ever trying it, and my pre-conceived notions were wrong. and its cool for me to straighten stuff like that out. like for example: my pre-conceived notion that if you truly are in love with someone, they will feel the same way about you and youre meant to be. ok tried that, didnt work out. learned something. now have a more open mind because of it. sweet.
did a couple other fun things... just now... which has left me tired and exhausted... but... so... satisfied... i jsut feel good all over... its a nice feeling... my emotions are on such a fucking high right now. i feel good about myself... and my life.. and... so on... whooo
this girl is gonna be sleeping good tonight.
current mood: high
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